Ack! It’s been a month since I last posted here. My, how time flies!
I am not sure why I do not post very often over here. Maybe it is because it is just not part of my blogging routine yet. Maybe it is because I barely have enough time to post on my other blogs. Maybe it is because it is hard to blog about homeschooling when homeschooling is not going so well.
I am re-learning, or in many ways learning for the first time, that homeschooling a child with ADHD, or whatever label you give the D, is a challenge. Expectations and schedules are met with resistance daily. Things do not go as planned.
I know that to some extent, every parent can say that. When do things ever go as planned when children are involved?
That is not what I mean.
I have two other children, so I understand that even homeschooling “normal” children has its challenges.
This is different.
With the D, his ability to perform tasks changes from day-to-day, so I need to be somewhat flexible with my expectations. He still must do what is expected of him, regardless of what kind of day he is having, but my level of intervention varies greatly from day-to-day.
Some days, I can hand him some work to do and he will complete it with no problems.
Other days, he needs help figuring out where to start and what to do at each step. He has a hard time communicating. He can’t concentrate. He is very surly and mean. He has trouble writing. And all of these things compound the others.
Then, sometimes, his disruptive behavior puts Big E in a bad mood, too, not to mention me. Those are long days.
Today, the D wanted to play Game Cube. (I hate that thing.) He was completely obsessed with the idea. Obsessions are a little-known trait of ADHD children.
He asked me to give him all his work, so he could get it all done. But when I gave him the work, he was overwhelmed and did not know where to start.
At the same time, he was still obsessed with the Game Cube and knew that the longer the work took, the longer it would be until he could play. He became more frustrated at his sense of urgency that he get the work done.
Yet, he still did not know how to start and was overwhelmed with that.
Bear in mind, I knew none of this was going on inside his head and he was in no condition to tell me.
Commence name-calling, stomping, and trowing things.
I had no idea why he was reacting like this and he was still not communicative.
Fortunately, I am a fast learner (or slow, if you consider how long we have been going through days like this). Now that I understand better how his mind works, thanks to some fantastic ADHD books, I can often figure out what set him off and intervene.
It took a while, but I realized what was going on, he calmed down, and we worked out a new plan.
He didn’t get as much done as I had planned, but he didn’t destroy the house either. He also came up with his own pathway to getting his privileges back and cleaned up the mess he made.
Most importantly, I learned.
Every day that I learn something, the next days are better.
Today I learned,
- the Game Cube days (I only let them use it twice a week) need to be set in stone, so he does not wake up expecting to play.
- just because the D is asking for ALL of his work at once does not mean that he can do it all at once.
- I need to break things down into steps for him because he cannot do that for himself.
- it’s okay if we do not get everything done.
I already knew that last one, but it never hurts to remind myself.
Today, I am going to set the TV/computer/video game hours and make a sign. I am going to try for the rest of the week to stick to the plan and not budge, and see if it helps to have set hours that they cannot challenge. I am hoping this will help curb the obsession with game playing during “school” hours.
Tomorrow, I am going to tell the D what work he has to do, but then expect that I will need to walk him through how to tackle it step-by-step.
Every day is a learning experience. As I learn, and put into practice what I have learned, it does get easier.
I just forget sometimes, when I am talking with my articulate, bright 11-year-old son, that he sometimes just cannot do things that I think he can. He really does not function at an 11-year-old level sometimes.
There’s the rub, though; it is sometimes. Sometimes, he is fine. Other times, he is anything but fine.
I just need to be prepared each day to give him more help, if he needs it.
The more I learn about his cues that he is struggling, the more I can help him before he reaches the melting point.
And like everything with homeschooling, every day is a learning experience.
